holiday grief

The days in between the holidays…

If you have lost of loved one whether it be years ago or as recent as this past year then you know how difficult the holidays are. You might even have some well meaning person to remind you of how hard holidays are without a loved one , as if you didn’t understand.

I lost many loved ones on special days or holidays, New Years Eve-brother, Christmastime- brother, stepfather- my wedding anniversary, 4th of July- mother, my birthday- brother. Although this is an unusual amount of loved ones to lose by the age of 40 , it is also an odd number of celebrations to loose loved ones on. I decided I needed to embrace these holidays which is how my business FloralMemorials came about. My husband was a contractor and often had wooden stakes and the idea came to me to paint and decorate them so I could have something to decorate the graves for any holiday or celebration. This need to celebrate has been an amazing experience for me and one that I am most grateful for.

Those deaths have been 20-30 years ago and I have found that those days in between holidays have brought me the most comfort, understanding, clarity, and peace. Every single day a thought drifts through my mind or I drive by a part of town that sparks my memory, but always with a smile and no longer with a tear or lump in my throat. Those days in between are just as important if not more than the few holidays we share. Own those days they can’t be given back to you and they are amazing.

Missing Dad

Holidays are rough for many people for many reasons. When it comes to specific family “holidays” like Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, or even the up and rising Grandparents Day the celebration can be awkward or painful for many.

When I was young, divorced parents were few and far between among my classmates ( it was the 1970’s). I dreaded Father’s Day conversation brought up within my circle of friends and the only saving grace was I never had to endure Father’s Day art projects, cards, or dinners as the holiday falls in the summer.

When I married and started a family the celebration of Father’s Day shifted to my husband and I was more than happy to celebrate his fatherhood. My husband came from a fatherless family and it was a relief to him to have a reason to celebrate.
As I grew older others my age grieved for the loss of their Fathers as they passed. I did all my grieving as a child so when my father passed my emotions were void and the funeral planning was somewhat methodical.

I admire the younger generations and their definition of family. Families, fathers included, are not defined by a person’s gender, blood DNA, or even location. Instead families are as they should be ; groups of humans who love and care for each other and choose to share their lives with one another. It’s not that I dislike this holiday but rather I dream of a future were my grandchildren and great -grandchildren live and where families are chosen out of love and not a definition created by others.

Holiday Healing

My family members, as it happened, passed on or near holidays, Christmas time, Fourth of July, my wedding anniversary, New Years Eve, my birthday. It’s not like they planned their deaths to occur on days that would be a constant reminder of their deaths that’s just the way my road in life lead.

I had children that I was raising so I kept my thoughts about this “holiday passing” to myself and refused to let the holidays be anything but happy for my family. It was hard, but not painful to the point I couldn’t function, that would come later.

It’s funny how we can fill our lives and our minds to distract us from our troubles. I told myself that I was a strong person and that I carried on for my kids and their happiness, after all you can’t walk this earth wounded very minute of every day, right?

This is what I learned the hard way…..

Distractions are just that, they keep you busy but you don’t heal. I woke up one morning and my kids were grown and thriving in the world and I looked around for someone I knew and that’s when the grief and pain of losing everyone came down on me like a wave of nausea. It was Christmas time and I fumbled through crying to myself everyday and not understanding why. Grieving, although it might make others uncomfortable, is necessary part of our human function. When we grieve we are aware of our loss and the changes it will make in our lives. When we choose to be the strong soldier our grief will find its way out of our bodies sometime in some form whether we want it to or not.

If you are grieving then carry on and don’t worry so much about others feeling uncomfortable around you, you can always apologize later if you want. Distractions are just that – distractions – not because you are super human or emotionally untouchable it just means you are choosing not to deal with something at that particular moment.

Grief will come, it’s just part of who we are as humans.

Christmas Cemetery Crosses

You can purchase a cross for your loved one(s) at

http://floralmemorials.shop

Or under the same name Floralmemorials

Etsy

Bonanza

eBay

January – Fresh starts, New Year

I never enjoyed New Year’s Eve when I was younger (BC – before children). Every New Years Eve it seemed that something went wrong. A couple would be fighting or someone drank to much ruining the evening for the group. I learned to like New Years Eve more after having children. We would stay home watching movies, eating popcorn, and banging pots at midnight. That was a lot more fun than going out.

The worst New Years Eve of my life came 20 years ago when my younger brother died. He was my best friend growing up. The two of us stuck together no matter how bad things got in our lives. We always looked out for one another and kept each other’s secrets . After his death New Years Eve was just another day to avoid.

What I did learn after his death was to celebrate the beginning of another year. I like the idea of starting fresh, a clean slate, a new opportunity to make a difference in your life, another year of living, which we all take for granted. I’ve tried to concentrate on the new and not the loss. It took a few years but I can honestly say that I like the New Year. I’m not big on resolutions but I do like to make a list of goals each year and if I accomplish even just one thing on the list I feel my “new” year was a success. Three years ago I set a goal of selling my crosses to the public and that was a goal on that list I am very proud of.

This year I have decided on three list items. One of the items on my list is to take better care of my blog. I have enjoyed creating the blog and I enjoy posting to my blog. My consistency however, is not what it should be and my effort is weak. What I am hoping to accomplish by starting with this post is a public commitment helping me along the way.

The next 12 months will tell……………..

Christmas in July?

For the month of July ONLY I have lowered the price of my Christmas memorial crosses to $18.00 each and that’s with FREE SHIPPING!

Check out Floralmemorials on Etsy.com OR Bonanza.com

And you can always buy from my website at http://www.floralmemorials.shop

After this month you will not see Christmas crosses until the fall.