Thoughts & More

State Flowers

Do you know the state flower where you live? I’m in the middle of the United States and my state’s flower is 🌻

Another Remebrance Day 2025

Just a few crosses that I placed at graves this year in memory of my loved ones on Memorial Day.

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A beginning , an ending, another beginning. Black cemeteries and history

Our country started to develop long before 1776 but if a year needs to be pinpointed the signing of the Declaration of Independence is a good pinpoint. We all learn these important historical dates in school. For example, in honor of Presidents Day we might learn about of first President , George Washington.

Without these wonderful men and their idea of living a life without dictatorship, a life of freedom, we would not be the country we are. We do need to acknowledge that these men were not perfect men, and freedom was only for certain people.

George Washington was a slave owner from the moment he built his plantation he went in search of human beings to buy to work the land. In his death he wrote into his will that he no longer viewed slavery as a moral act and he freed all of his slaves; his wife honored that request.

I think we all know the rest. Washington’s plantation becomes a national park, preserved so all can relive a moment of history. The problem with history is it does not always include everyone in the telling. Such is the story of the slave cemetery at Washington’s Mount Vernon.

Very few written accounts from the 19th century mention the graves and only as a historic site. A map from 1885 of the Mount Vernon estate list the acre of land as a burial ground.

1885 map of Mount Vernon. The highlighted area is the Negro Burial Ground

In 1929 a marker was placed at the site of the “burial ground”. It as soon overgrown with vegetation and all but forgotten in the Jim Crow era of Virginia. In 1980 a group went searching for the burial grounds and discovered the original memorial marker from 1929. It was decided that a memorial marker fitting of a cemetery should be erected.

1929 memorial marker
1983 Slave Memorial

Fast forward to 2014 and with the help of drones and new technology that allows visualization of graves beneath the earth, it was revealed that up to 150 souls were laid to rest on the acre.

There were a few very disheartening parts about the slave cemetery research. I found it odd that the first marker listed them as “servants”. They were called slaves back then why were they listed as servants, and who felt comfortable altering the history vocabulary. The map had a place clearly marked as a burial for Negros but it wasn’t until 1929 that anybody bothered to present this history as part of the tour at Mount Vernon. It was simply overgrown and forgotten for another 50+ years. The 1983 memorial is beautiful but again it took another 30+ years for discovery. This is a good example of how we as a society decide whose story should and should not be told, or how it should be told.

Community & Death

I love podcasts. I listen at night before sleeping, I use podcasts to meditate,or when I walk the dog. I like stories about everyday life, stories about history, stories about overcoming obstacles.

I recently listened to a podcast from Wayland Media. The name of the podcast is NOBLE. Noble is a true story about a creamatory in Noble County, Georgia. I originally thought it might be a chance to learn about the industry of creamation but I learned so much more than I expected.

This true story takes one through every emotion known to humans. At first you are shocked and disgusted, then you find compassion and understanding, and finally possible redemption and forgiveness for being human. The link below is for anyone brave enough to listen with an open mind.

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/noble/id1757686789

Random Act of Kindness Day

A smile, saying hello, letting someone in line ahead of you, giving a compliment. Kindness isn’t hard and it doesn’t require a time commitment, just yourself.

Black History Month – How erasing death erases history.

I thought for black history month I might present some of the black segregated cemeteries and why they are hard to find.

This is 1440 Forest Ave. in Staten Island New York. This is where an estimated 1000 people of color have been buried. Only 50 of the actual graves have been recorded but none of the graves have been moved.

Lot 384 is where the church and cemetery once existed. The church gone but not the cemetery

This slave and free folks cemetery was owned by the Second Asbury African Methodist Episcopal Church. The cemetery was made up of homemade wood crosses and stones that would mark a grave. The church was burned down by vandals in the late 1800s and the remains wood from the church was taken piece by piece. Eventually the graves were vandalized and one would be hard pressed to recognize it as a cemetery by 1920. The last person buried within the cemetery was in 1916. Perhaps you know of a cemetery with people buried in the 1800s that is still marked s a cemetery?

Along come some wealthy white land developers which tell the city that the land can’t be tax exempt because it’s not a cemetery, to them it didn’t look like one. The white city leaders agree and the land has a new tax debt of $11,000.00 that the board of the church did not receive until after the tax sale of the land happened.

The owners gave a donation to the Negro College Fund saying they had no idea it was a cemetery. Of course this happened after buildings were placed there. Ownership would change over the years but never any mention of remains dug up for which there had to be some. A strip mall was built by the third set of owners but when approached they refused a monument to mark the history of the cemetery. A plaque was finally put up but has since been removed.

Unfortunately there are very few records of slave burials or free folks of color burial records due to disrespect of others, land sold and bought with graves on the land. People of color didn’t own land and wouldn’t for another sixty plus years. They had no bargaining power over their own ancestors graves or their own deaths for that matter. That history and that knowledge of who came before them had been destroyed forever.

On this day in 1973 – January 27

All US troops were pulled out of Vietnam bringing an end to the loss of so many young American men. Gone but not forgotten.

Chinese New Year, January 29, 2025.

Do you know what animal you are according to the Chinese zodiac months. There are 12 animals that represent an entire year. The first day of the Chinese New Year is different every year and is according to the lunar (moon) calendar.

On this day in 1973 the Vietnam war came to an end when the US pulled troops from Vietnam.

January 27, 1973.

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Today January 22, 2025

Customer review for FloralMemorials

Vietnam Veterans Recognition Day

March 29 is Vietnam Veterans Recognition Day. It was on Mach 29 , 1973 that the last of the American troops were pulled out of Vietnam thus ending our involvement in the war between North and South Vietnam.

These very young men were drafted or voluntarily enlisted in the service and fought for what our country ask of them. It is fitting that they be recognized for their service.

If you know a Vietnam vet give the, a thank you that they didn’t receive when they came home.

A Quiet Hillside in Kansas

I went to Coronado’s Castle just outside Greensburg Kansas recently and this quiet beautiful cemetery was next to the castle entrance. First I should explain that the castle was built during the 1930s as part of a WPA project and Coronado had nothing to do with it other than to use his name. The cemetery is along a rolling hillside and even had a few cattle grazing at a distance.

Roadside Memorials

This article is not a long read, or listen (both in the download above). No matter your opinion on roadside memorials, I had never taken a side, the words are meaningfully from a different point of view.

Community Viewpoint: Honor the roadside memorials

As I write this, with about one week left in February, some trees, bushes and daffodils have already begun to bloom around Danville.
— Read on godanriver.com/content/tncms/live/

Death in another century

We have a “cowtown” museum in the city I live. The museum has building g duplicates of the original city as it stood in the late 1890s. You can walk into each store , shop, house, or farm as it stood over 100 years ago. It’s what I would call an interactive museum. I really enjoy Cowtown and they always hold interesting historical events.

Like any museum Cowtown is a living , growing learning experience. I have been to Cowtown many, many times in my years of living in the city I was born and grew up in. I have never noticed the undertaker business until last week. Cowtown has about 50+ buildings and recreations on their grounds and I have never noticed the undertaker before. Below are some pictures I took that shows how death was treated in the years after the Civil War.

Cowtown Museum
Gill Mortuary was the first in Wichita KS
A typical coffin in Midwest 1890s
Where services were held in the mortuary
A grim reminder of high child mortality in the 1800s.
A full view of the viewing room, funeral service room, and viewing room all in one, complete with organ.

I Never Ask , Who?

I have the pleasure of creating memorial crosses that are unique just like the people who buy them for their loved ones.

Sometimes customers will tell me who they are for, but most of the time I never know, and I never ask. If they wanted to talk about their grief they might consider someone else to talk to than a woman who has a small Etsy shop.

When someone does tell me about the loved one they lost, I consider that to be a great honor that they share with me.

Growing Old Together

I always loved romantic comedies and still do. From time to time, I like to indulge in a sappy romcom. I really enjoy the movies where the actors talk about growing old together. Awww, what more romantic than you and the love of your life growing old together, being together until the end of time – your time that is.

Although the romcom movies make it seem so warm and fuzzy.

Wake up!

Growing old together is tough and hardly romantic. I would use other words and phrases to describe growing old together like ; comfortable, secret keeper, does chores you hate, children would freak out and stop speaking to both of you, to tired to change anything in life, communal habits, communal timing, doctors appts, helping each other remember things. This is the reality of growing old together.

I’m not trying to make it sound horrible because quite frankly everything I listed is quite nice really. I’ve been growing old together for 36 years and I’m telling you it’s not the growing old together that is the best. It’s growing into each other, and all the life in between, that is the best.

Life is a Distraction

I wish I could write a blog post on “How Not To Get Distracted” but that is NEVER going to happen. As a human I have found that distractions in our lives can be bad…..but they can be good too. A neighbor posted on our neighborhood Facebook page that she wanted to apologize for almost running into someone with her car at the intersection. The neighbor went on to explain that her mother was in the hospital and she was running on empty and not as focused as she should be.

When I read this I immediately understood how she felt as I’m sure many people would understand how she felt.

I can remember when I was raising a family there were many times I was thankful to go to work because it was a distraction for something that was going on at home; an argument with my husband, a problem that I knew I couldn’t solve, or a child that had run me ragged in arguments. Work was actually a good distraction!

Now I have had my fair share of bad distractions; certain Apple apps I’ve downloaded, books I can’t put down, any game, and of course TV programs that I won’t list here. I only consider these bad distractions because they seem so self indulgent and mothers by nature don’t partake in a lot of self indulgent activities, at least not without some guilt involved.

My life has been one ongoing distraction and I am grateful.

Every parents dream?

If you aren’t familiar with Elf on a Shelf you might think this picture is a little odd. The idea is that you use the elf doll and tell your children that the elf is watching good boys and girls for Santa. Now the elf moves at night to a different location to further convince your kids he is real. Sometimes this little elf will even play tricks at night while children are asleep. An example would be you find him on the kitchen table with your cereal ready, or maybe he picked out your clothes while you slept. You get the idea.

Now this sounds like great fun BUT most parents start this little game around Thanksgiving and it’s played up and until Christmas. This can be troublesome in many ways. Trying to come up with different ideas as to where to put the elf while the kids are asleep and what trick or new discovery the elf might create. That’s a lot of work! Or heaven forbid the parent is to tired to do the elf relocation one night, then you have to come up with why the elf did not move. The worst or maybe best idea is the elf is partially eaten by the dog, hence the picture.

Is better always better?

I started my small online business in September of 2014. I was worried, frustrated, and somewhat confused about selling my handmade crosses online. I survived the first year and have enjoyed ever year since. The best part for me is the creative part of business. Unfortunately the other “stuff” (ie; finances, social media, marketing, shopping, ok maybe not shopping since it’s fun too) all come with the job. I have learned so much and have never been as frustrated with myself all at the same time. So much of what I have learned is from customers, other sites, competition, and trial and error.

I try to learn new ways of creating because I want to improve on my product and make the buying experience enjoyable for my customers. Today I took a trip down memory lane and looked over my past catalog. Yes, it took an hour. I have sold over 5000 crosses since my start in late 2014 and have made no two alike. My crosses are 100% one of a kind

So as I’m looking through I notice a few things about my designs. Maybe I have paid too much attention to my competition and haven’t always stayed true to myself. Is better always better? While trying to keep up with volume have I lost my nerve to be more creative? Is was worth the trip down memory lane. I learned something new today, to stop and think, “is this really my best?”

Teaching an Old Dog New Tricks

Now I’ve blogged about this once before ( see blog “I’m an old lady too” February 2021). Teaching an old dog new tricks is code for they won’t change their way of doing anything. Now it’s not new tricks that I would like others to learn as stated in my previous blog post, but rather old tricks that I would like to lose. I have so many that it almost seems like a challenge with little possibility of a good outcome. My list includes:

*Stop worrying about how I spend my time. It’s my time and I need to forgive myself for not doing something every minute of everyday.

*It doesn’t have to be perfect. This one is a little hard for me to do as I have always been the fixer and doer of my family.

*Stop thinking about the next five things you need to do. I use to make list of everything that needed to be done and every errand that needed running. I rarely finished the list in one day but I worked myself to death trying to reach the end of the list.

*Stop comparing your life and yourself to others- this one came as I aged – I just cared less about it.

This is the list I care about now……..

  • Listen more, talk less
  • Live everyday like it’s my last ( very hard to do grocery shopping, cleaning house, and doing laundry )
  • Try something new every week ( easy enough, as long as you don’t set the bar too high in what you learn). The learning is the most important part.

I don’t really think any of this has to do with old dogs (age) or new tricks (anything that is different from what you do now). I think I am more self aware of is what is needed to make my life mine.

Sound of Silence

I’ve always been a talker. I love people and I love being around people. Now don’t get me wrong I like my alone time too, but my teachers didn’t call me jabber jaws when I was in elementary school for nothing. The teachers would write on my report cards ; “she is a great student but needs to stop talking”. I was reading an article the other day which explained that children who are left alone a lot tend to well, run at the mouth , so to say.

I definitely fit in that category. I always did all the talking for my introverted little brother. He liked listening to me and it always made him feel more secure when I did all the talking, or so he told me once. My little brother passed away 24 years ago but I’m still talking.

Now the problem with this is it’s nervous talking . Not necessarily good conversation. I have been practicing meditation to help me silence that inner child who needed to fill the awkward silence. When I was young silence was always scary, nothing good ever came from silent moments. The meditation helps, not a cure, but it helps, and that’s all I have to say – for a change.

My Personal Guide to Cemetery Decorations

Change – it happens

I think one of the best things about being born and living your entire life in the same city is nothing really changes, not really. Yes new streets are paved and old ones torn out, buildings go up and are torn down, people move into the city and move out, but your memories in the city never change. I can drive down any street in my city and it will bring back a memory, some sad, some not. Change is hard for all of us to some degree or another. Most of us when we are young we see change but it doesn’t seem to bother us a lot. Now as we age we have a tendency to resent change. I’m sure you have heard others say, “ things were better in our time” or “things aren’t as good as they used to be” These statements are true of course, or maybe you just roll your eyes when you hear someone older than you express that sentiment. The loss of someone you love is heartbreaking and of course this brings change. Change you are never ready for , but still it comes- relentlessly. I have found this to be true , this time right now, this very moment is everyone’s moment. As long as you are alive this is your time.

Death and COVID 2020

The weather has been warmer and my walks have been longer. I live in a neighborhood that has parks, sidewalks, and friendly neighbors. I ran into a neighbor that I heard had lost his wife in 2020 , but I had not had the chance to tell him personally how sorry I was. His booming voice called me over and I told him how sorry I was to hear of his wife’s passing. He and his wife would walk in good weather even after hip and knee replacements. His voice started to break as he talked about her. My heart broke as I listened. He explained that the “virus took her”. I finished my walk and began to think about everything he had said. This couple was not young but they took good care of each other. They got their flu shots, pneumonia shots, and went to the doctor annually. I thought even beyond his loss and about the total loss of life to COVID. To date 500,000.00 people have died of COVID in the United States. If you consider for one moment that each life lost affects 10 other people spiritually, emotionally, and financially then that total comes to 5 Million. Five million + souls walking around in 2020 trying to understand what happened. Be kind people, it was a very hard year.

What Happened 2020?

2020 passed so fast and drug on so long. I look back and say to myself, “Where did 2020 go?” My 2020 started out with so much excitement. Two new grandchildren were born just a day apart and I couldn’t believe how lucky I was so see new life come into the world. I spent 5 years burying all of my family so new life brings new possibilities. I felt so content, and then came March 2020. Everyone has their own story for 2020. My year was odd. I was so caught up in the virus and the election year that it took the place of things I would normally do; volunteering, the gym, activities with family. Everyone had to make a new kind of day for themselves. I watched in horror how Americans were dying so quickly and Americans that were so divided in politics, or was it because I just had more time to notice? One thing is for sure my life is good, I’m not wealthy, or a world traveler, or even good looking, but I have a good life. I did learn a couple of things this last year. I was reminded to be more humble and more grateful. It was just one year but a year that no one will forget, no matter their story.

Angel in the sky?

 

 

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This photo is one that was given to me by one of my daughter’s friends. The photo was taken the day after the home and land that his family owned in southwestern Kansas burned to the ground. Thankfully the land and buildings were the only loss and everyone survived the blaze that burned for hours.

The photo was taken with a simple camera, no special lens, no added effects, no touch ups. Is the figure in the sky just a rement of the fire that burned and lingered or is it an angel watching over a family? Do we see what we want or need to comfort ourselves? Is that not what faith is, just believing?