If someone had told me 20 years ago when I started making these crosses to help deal with my grief that I could share with others I would not have believed it. I am so lucky to be able to share with others what helped heal my soul.
Do you know the state flower where you live? I’m in the middle of the United States and my state’s flower is 🌻
Just a few crosses that I placed at graves this year in memory of my loved ones on Memorial Day.
Our country started to develop long before 1776 but if a year needs to be pinpointed the signing of the Declaration of Independence is a good pinpoint. We all learn these important historical dates in school. For example, in honor of Presidents Day we might learn about of first President , George Washington.
Without these wonderful men and their idea of living a life without dictatorship, a life of freedom, we would not be the country we are. We do need to acknowledge that these men were not perfect men, and freedom was only for certain people.
George Washington was a slave owner from the moment he built his plantation he went in search of human beings to buy to work the land. In his death he wrote into his will that he no longer viewed slavery as a moral act and he freed all of his slaves; his wife honored that request.
I think we all know the rest. Washington’s plantation becomes a national park, preserved so all can relive a moment of history. The problem with history is it does not always include everyone in the telling. Such is the story of the slave cemetery at Washington’s Mount Vernon.
Very few written accounts from the 19th century mention the graves and only as a historic site. A map from 1885 of the Mount Vernon estate list the acre of land as a burial ground.
In 1929 a marker was placed at the site of the “burial ground”. It as soon overgrown with vegetation and all but forgotten in the Jim Crow era of Virginia. In 1980 a group went searching for the burial grounds and discovered the original memorial marker from 1929. It was decided that a memorial marker fitting of a cemetery should be erected.
Fast forward to 2014 and with the help of drones and new technology that allows visualization of graves beneath the earth, it was revealed that up to 150 souls were laid to rest on the acre.
There were a few very disheartening parts about the slave cemetery research. I found it odd that the first marker listed them as “servants”. They were called slaves back then why were they listed as servants, and who felt comfortable altering the history vocabulary. The map had a place clearly marked as a burial for Negros but it wasn’t until 1929 that anybody bothered to present this history as part of the tour at Mount Vernon. It was simply overgrown and forgotten for another 50+ years. The 1983 memorial is beautiful but again it took another 30+ years for discovery. This is a good example of how we as a society decide whose story should and should not be told, or how it should be told.
I love podcasts. I listen at night before sleeping, I use podcasts to meditate,or when I walk the dog. I like stories about everyday life, stories about history, stories about overcoming obstacles.
I recently listened to a podcast from Wayland Media. The name of the podcast is NOBLE. Noble is a true story about a creamatory in Noble County, Georgia. I originally thought it might be a chance to learn about the industry of creamation but I learned so much more than I expected.
This true story takes one through every emotion known to humans. At first you are shocked and disgusted, then you find compassion and understanding, and finally possible redemption and forgiveness for being human. The link below is for anyone brave enough to listen with an open mind.
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/noble/id1757686789
A smile, saying hello, letting someone in line ahead of you, giving a compliment. Kindness isn’t hard and it doesn’t require a time commitment, just yourself.
I thought for black history month I might present some of the black segregated cemeteries and why they are hard to find.
This is 1440 Forest Ave. in Staten Island New York. This is where an estimated 1000 people of color have been buried. Only 50 of the actual graves have been recorded but none of the graves have been moved.
This slave and free folks cemetery was owned by the Second Asbury African Methodist Episcopal Church. The cemetery was made up of homemade wood crosses and stones that would mark a grave. The church was burned down by vandals in the late 1800s and the remains wood from the church was taken piece by piece. Eventually the graves were vandalized and one would be hard pressed to recognize it as a cemetery by 1920. The last person buried within the cemetery was in 1916. Perhaps you know of a cemetery with people buried in the 1800s that is still marked s a cemetery?
Along come some wealthy white land developers which tell the city that the land can’t be tax exempt because it’s not a cemetery, to them it didn’t look like one. The white city leaders agree and the land has a new tax debt of $11,000.00 that the board of the church did not receive until after the tax sale of the land happened.
The owners gave a donation to the Negro College Fund saying they had no idea it was a cemetery. Of course this happened after buildings were placed there. Ownership would change over the years but never any mention of remains dug up for which there had to be some. A strip mall was built by the third set of owners but when approached they refused a monument to mark the history of the cemetery. A plaque was finally put up but has since been removed.
Unfortunately there are very few records of slave burials or free folks of color burial records due to disrespect of others, land sold and bought with graves on the land. People of color didn’t own land and wouldn’t for another sixty plus years. They had no bargaining power over their own ancestors graves or their own deaths for that matter. That history and that knowledge of who came before them had been destroyed forever.
All US troops were pulled out of Vietnam bringing an end to the loss of so many young American men. Gone but not forgotten.
Do you know what animal you are according to the Chinese zodiac months. There are 12 animals that represent an entire year. The first day of the Chinese New Year is different every year and is according to the lunar (moon) calendar.
January 27, 1973.
FloralMemorials.etsy.com
So I was fortunate enough to travel to the Virgin Islands last October. I saw most of St Martin and the length of St. Thomas. Along my driven journey across both islands we passed several cemeteries which always spark my curiosity. The truth be told burials on the islands are much the same as they are in the USA.
In the states cemeteries can vary from region to region or state to state. I have visited cemeteries up north that are somewhat different from our prairie cemeteries here in the Midwest. Some of the differences can be as simple as the weather or the terrain.
The Virgin Islands are below sea level so much like the south in the USA they stack or bury above ground. The Midwest is vast and cemeteries can also be vast as to an island where the most must be made of the space you have. Sea burials or spreading of cremated remains are allowed with the correct applications and permits.
In the 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month a ceasefire was declared between Germany and all allied forces fighting against them ( also known as WWI ).
This day was one that impacted not one country or nation but an entire generation of people on earth. Armistice Day as it would be called for many years was declared a national holiday and has been considered as such since 1918. The name was changed to Veterans Day to honor all who serve around the world for their countries. The name change was necessary as the Great War (or WWI as it’s now called) was not the last and only war.
What I find most interesting about this particular federal holiday is that it is on November 11th no matter the day of the week. The federal government tried to make this into one of its famous “Monday Holidays” but people refused to acknowledge the holiday on any other date other than the 11th day of the 11th month. President Ford signed a bill changing the day back to the 11th of November.
For generations that will forever have the day 09-11-01 as part of their memories we should be able to understand and recognize the significance of 11-11-1918 and how certain historical events should never be altered.
My own father served in the Army during the Korean War and my little brother was in the Navy during the struggles with Beruit in the early 1980’s. I admire the men and women who serve our country. Maybe my admiration comes from knowing a time when the draft was in force and if your birthday was pulled you served . This drafting of military wasn’t a choice you made but one that was made for you. I admire their sense of honor to our country. These individuals made a choice to serve knowing full well that any number of outcomes good or bad could befall them.
Lest we not forget those who gave everything for man and country
As a cradle catholic I understood the feast days of All Souls and following All Saints Day. What I understood was that meant two “extra” masses in addition to Sunday mass in a short seven day week! I always assumed the extra masses were meant to keep children in line gluten with thoughts of massive amounts of candy.
When I was 20 I had the privilege of traveling to Mexico the week of Halloween and I have never enjoyed the holiday more. The people walking to the cemetery in a quiet but gay line as they talked to each other in lowered voices with smiles on their faces and bright boquets of flowers, food, trinkets, and wrapped packages for their loved ones laid to rest.
This was done in such a festive and proud way that it was easy to understand and didn’t seem at all morbid to my young mind. For that fleeting moment I felt sad that no one would ever visit me when I was gone and celebrate my life with gifts, flowers, food, and community. This feast for the dead is a very old custom or tradition in Mexico.
Maybe we could learn from this old custom to create a new tradition for Halloween.
The Victorian Age was the period of 1860-1902. This historical time was named after Queen Victoria. In America this was time before the industrial boom and after the Civil War.
Queen Victoria mourned her husband Prince Albert for over 20 years and the Civil War created nationwide grief and mourning rings became a part of grief fashion. It was expected that a woman would were black when in mourning for two years with the loss of a husband, parents were one year, and the death of a child was usually a year of black clothing.
Along with the black clothing black jewelry was also worn. Mourning jewelry was advertised as such and all necklaces, bracelets, and pins were black. Mourning rings were more personal than most mourning jewelry in that it would be engraved with the date of death, a small lock of hair would be incorporated into the ring, forget me nots, doves, or hearts were often themes of these rings.
Mourning rings made a short comeback in the late 1930s and early 1940s. Today they aren’t referred to as mourning rings but often people choose to have their loved ones ashes added to a creation which can include a ring, necklace, bracelet, and almost anything else you can imagine.
NOTE: I post this at the same time every year. The reason I repost every year? My story with my father will never change. The two men that were my fathers- biological and by marriage – are both dead. Maybe this Father’s Day you can change your story, as long as they’re alive the story hasn’t been written yet.
Holidays are rough for many people for many reasons. When it comes to specific family “holidays” like Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, or even the up and rising Grandparent’s Day , the celebration can be awkward or painful for many.
When I was young, divorced parents were few and far between among my classmates ( it was the 1970s). I dreaded Father’s Day conversation brought up within my circle of friends. The only saving grace was I never had to endure Father’s Day art projects, cards, or dinners as the holiday falls in the summer.
When I married and started a family the celebration of Father’s Day shifted to my husband and I was more than happy to celebrate his fatherhood. My husband came from a fatherless family and it was a relief to him to have a reason to celebrate.
As I grew older, others my age grieved for the loss of their Fathers as they passed. I did all my grieving as a child so when my father passed my emotions were void and the funeral planning was somewhat methodical.
I admire the younger generations and their definition of family. Families, fathers included, are not defined by a person’s gender, blood DNA, or even location. Instead families are as they should be ; groups of humans who love and care for each other and choose to share their lives with one another. It’s not that I dislike this holiday but rather I dream of a future were my grandchildren and great -grandchildren live in a world where families are chosen out of love and not a definition created by others.
I published this 2 years ago but I think it still is true again this year on Flag Day.
I remember flag day when I was younger as a an early start to the 4th of July. In the 1960’s many homes displayed the American flag year round and some just on certain days. I understood Memorial Day very well, the visits to the cemeteries, the family, the picnics, barbecue, and of course the end of school!!
I remember that flags would be displayed, removed , and then displayed again throughout the summer. I realize now that was due to Memorial Day, Flag Day, and then the 4th of July. I don’t remember asking an adult about the flags displayed on and off ,but then flags were a common element of every neighborhood.
The American flag holds much more meaning to me today than those of my childhood summers. When I see the American flag today I see my youngest brother who served his country in the Navy when he was just 17, I see his coffin draped with a flag when he died at 37, I see the people who have taken to the streets carrying the flag asking for equality, I see astronauts landing on the moon and placing a flag into its ground, I see the ashes of the twin towers and the Murray federal building with a flag firmly placed in the ruble.
What I don’t see is as many American flags displayed as I did as a child. Is Flag Day lost or just our pride for the flag itself?
March 29 is Vietnam Veterans Recognition Day. It was on Mach 29 , 1973 that the last of the American troops were pulled out of Vietnam thus ending our involvement in the war between North and South Vietnam.
These very young men were drafted or voluntarily enlisted in the service and fought for what our country ask of them. It is fitting that they be recognized for their service.
If you know a Vietnam vet give the, a thank you that they didn’t receive when they came home.
I went to Coronado’s Castle just outside Greensburg Kansas recently and this quiet beautiful cemetery was next to the castle entrance. First I should explain that the castle was built during the 1930s as part of a WPA project and Coronado had nothing to do with it other than to use his name. The cemetery is along a rolling hillside and even had a few cattle grazing at a distance.
This article is not a long read, or listen (both in the download above). No matter your opinion on roadside memorials, I had never taken a side, the words are meaningfully from a different point of view.
Community Viewpoint: Honor the roadside memorials
As I write this, with about one week left in February, some trees, bushes and daffodils have already begun to bloom around Danville.
— Read on godanriver.com/content/tncms/live/
We have a “cowtown” museum in the city I live. The museum has building g duplicates of the original city as it stood in the late 1890s. You can walk into each store , shop, house, or farm as it stood over 100 years ago. It’s what I would call an interactive museum. I really enjoy Cowtown and they always hold interesting historical events.
Like any museum Cowtown is a living , growing learning experience. I have been to Cowtown many, many times in my years of living in the city I was born and grew up in. I have never noticed the undertaker business until last week. Cowtown has about 50+ buildings and recreations on their grounds and I have never noticed the undertaker before. Below are some pictures I took that shows how death was treated in the years after the Civil War.
I have the pleasure of creating memorial crosses that are unique just like the people who buy them for their loved ones.
Sometimes customers will tell me who they are for, but most of the time I never know, and I never ask. If they wanted to talk about their grief they might consider someone else to talk to than a woman who has a small Etsy shop.
When someone does tell me about the loved one they lost, I consider that to be a great honor that they share with me.
I always loved romantic comedies and still do. From time to time, I like to indulge in a sappy romcom. I really enjoy the movies where the actors talk about growing old together. Awww, what more romantic than you and the love of your life growing old together, being together until the end of time – your time that is.
Although the romcom movies make it seem so warm and fuzzy.
Wake up!
Growing old together is tough and hardly romantic. I would use other words and phrases to describe growing old together like ; comfortable, secret keeper, does chores you hate, children would freak out and stop speaking to both of you, to tired to change anything in life, communal habits, communal timing, doctors appts, helping each other remember things. This is the reality of growing old together.
I’m not trying to make it sound horrible because quite frankly everything I listed is quite nice really. I’ve been growing old together for 36 years and I’m telling you it’s not the growing old together that is the best. It’s growing into each other, and all the life in between, that is the best.
I wish I could write a blog post on “How Not To Get Distracted” but that is NEVER going to happen. As a human I have found that distractions in our lives can be bad…..but they can be good too. A neighbor posted on our neighborhood Facebook page that she wanted to apologize for almost running into someone with her car at the intersection. The neighbor went on to explain that her mother was in the hospital and she was running on empty and not as focused as she should be.
When I read this I immediately understood how she felt as I’m sure many people would understand how she felt.
I can remember when I was raising a family there were many times I was thankful to go to work because it was a distraction for something that was going on at home; an argument with my husband, a problem that I knew I couldn’t solve, or a child that had run me ragged in arguments. Work was actually a good distraction!
Now I have had my fair share of bad distractions; certain Apple apps I’ve downloaded, books I can’t put down, any game, and of course TV programs that I won’t list here. I only consider these bad distractions because they seem so self indulgent and mothers by nature don’t partake in a lot of self indulgent activities, at least not without some guilt involved.
My life has been one ongoing distraction and I am grateful.
If you have lost of loved one whether it be years ago or as recent as this past year then you know how difficult the holidays are. You might even have some well meaning person to remind you of how hard holidays are without a loved one , as if you didn’t understand.
I lost many loved ones on special days or holidays, New Years Eve-brother, Christmastime- brother, stepfather- my wedding anniversary, 4th of July- mother, my birthday- brother. Although this is an unusual amount of loved ones to lose by the age of 40 , it is also an odd number of celebrations to loose loved ones on. I decided I needed to embrace these holidays which is how my business FloralMemorials came about. My husband was a contractor and often had wooden stakes and the idea came to me to paint and decorate them so I could have something to decorate the graves for any holiday or celebration. This need to celebrate has been an amazing experience for me and one that I am most grateful for.
Those deaths have been 20-30 years ago and I have found that those days in between holidays have brought me the most comfort, understanding, clarity, and peace. Every single day a thought drifts through my mind or I drive by a part of town that sparks my memory, but always with a smile and no longer with a tear or lump in my throat. Those days in between are just as important if not more than the few holidays we share. Own those days they can’t be given back to you and they are amazing.
If you aren’t familiar with Elf on a Shelf you might think this picture is a little odd. The idea is that you use the elf doll and tell your children that the elf is watching good boys and girls for Santa. Now the elf moves at night to a different location to further convince your kids he is real. Sometimes this little elf will even play tricks at night while children are asleep. An example would be you find him on the kitchen table with your cereal ready, or maybe he picked out your clothes while you slept. You get the idea.
Now this sounds like great fun BUT most parents start this little game around Thanksgiving and it’s played up and until Christmas. This can be troublesome in many ways. Trying to come up with different ideas as to where to put the elf while the kids are asleep and what trick or new discovery the elf might create. That’s a lot of work! Or heaven forbid the parent is to tired to do the elf relocation one night, then you have to come up with why the elf did not move. The worst or maybe best idea is the elf is partially eaten by the dog, hence the picture.
Stories of Loss & Life 