generations

A beginning , an ending, another beginning. Black cemeteries and history

Our country started to develop long before 1776 but if a year needs to be pinpointed the signing of the Declaration of Independence is a good pinpoint. We all learn these important historical dates in school. For example, in honor of Presidents Day we might learn about of first President , George Washington.

Without these wonderful men and their idea of living a life without dictatorship, a life of freedom, we would not be the country we are. We do need to acknowledge that these men were not perfect men, and freedom was only for certain people.

George Washington was a slave owner from the moment he built his plantation he went in search of human beings to buy to work the land. In his death he wrote into his will that he no longer viewed slavery as a moral act and he freed all of his slaves; his wife honored that request.

I think we all know the rest. Washington’s plantation becomes a national park, preserved so all can relive a moment of history. The problem with history is it does not always include everyone in the telling. Such is the story of the slave cemetery at Washington’s Mount Vernon.

Very few written accounts from the 19th century mention the graves and only as a historic site. A map from 1885 of the Mount Vernon estate list the acre of land as a burial ground.

1885 map of Mount Vernon. The highlighted area is the Negro Burial Ground

In 1929 a marker was placed at the site of the “burial ground”. It as soon overgrown with vegetation and all but forgotten in the Jim Crow era of Virginia. In 1980 a group went searching for the burial grounds and discovered the original memorial marker from 1929. It was decided that a memorial marker fitting of a cemetery should be erected.

1929 memorial marker
1983 Slave Memorial

Fast forward to 2014 and with the help of drones and new technology that allows visualization of graves beneath the earth, it was revealed that up to 150 souls were laid to rest on the acre.

There were a few very disheartening parts about the slave cemetery research. I found it odd that the first marker listed them as “servants”. They were called slaves back then why were they listed as servants, and who felt comfortable altering the history vocabulary. The map had a place clearly marked as a burial for Negros but it wasn’t until 1929 that anybody bothered to present this history as part of the tour at Mount Vernon. It was simply overgrown and forgotten for another 50+ years. The 1983 memorial is beautiful but again it took another 30+ years for discovery. This is a good example of how we as a society decide whose story should and should not be told, or how it should be told.

Community & Death

I love podcasts. I listen at night before sleeping, I use podcasts to meditate,or when I walk the dog. I like stories about everyday life, stories about history, stories about overcoming obstacles.

I recently listened to a podcast from Wayland Media. The name of the podcast is NOBLE. Noble is a true story about a creamatory in Noble County, Georgia. I originally thought it might be a chance to learn about the industry of creamation but I learned so much more than I expected.

This true story takes one through every emotion known to humans. At first you are shocked and disgusted, then you find compassion and understanding, and finally possible redemption and forgiveness for being human. The link below is for anyone brave enough to listen with an open mind.

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/noble/id1757686789

Black History Month – How erasing death erases history.

I thought for black history month I might present some of the black segregated cemeteries and why they are hard to find.

This is 1440 Forest Ave. in Staten Island New York. This is where an estimated 1000 people of color have been buried. Only 50 of the actual graves have been recorded but none of the graves have been moved.

Lot 384 is where the church and cemetery once existed. The church gone but not the cemetery

This slave and free folks cemetery was owned by the Second Asbury African Methodist Episcopal Church. The cemetery was made up of homemade wood crosses and stones that would mark a grave. The church was burned down by vandals in the late 1800s and the remains wood from the church was taken piece by piece. Eventually the graves were vandalized and one would be hard pressed to recognize it as a cemetery by 1920. The last person buried within the cemetery was in 1916. Perhaps you know of a cemetery with people buried in the 1800s that is still marked s a cemetery?

Along come some wealthy white land developers which tell the city that the land can’t be tax exempt because it’s not a cemetery, to them it didn’t look like one. The white city leaders agree and the land has a new tax debt of $11,000.00 that the board of the church did not receive until after the tax sale of the land happened.

The owners gave a donation to the Negro College Fund saying they had no idea it was a cemetery. Of course this happened after buildings were placed there. Ownership would change over the years but never any mention of remains dug up for which there had to be some. A strip mall was built by the third set of owners but when approached they refused a monument to mark the history of the cemetery. A plaque was finally put up but has since been removed.

Unfortunately there are very few records of slave burials or free folks of color burial records due to disrespect of others, land sold and bought with graves on the land. People of color didn’t own land and wouldn’t for another sixty plus years. They had no bargaining power over their own ancestors graves or their own deaths for that matter. That history and that knowledge of who came before them had been destroyed forever.

On this day in 1973 – January 27

All US troops were pulled out of Vietnam bringing an end to the loss of so many young American men. Gone but not forgotten.

Chinese New Year, January 29, 2025.

Do you know what animal you are according to the Chinese zodiac months. There are 12 animals that represent an entire year. The first day of the Chinese New Year is different every year and is according to the lunar (moon) calendar.

On this day in 1973 the Vietnam war came to an end when the US pulled troops from Vietnam.

January 27, 1973.

FloralMemorials.etsy.com

Not always as different as we think

So I was fortunate enough to travel to the Virgin Islands last October. I saw most of St Martin and the length of St. Thomas. Along my driven journey across both islands we passed several cemeteries which always spark my curiosity. The truth be told burials on the islands are much the same as they are in the USA.

In the states cemeteries can vary from region to region or state to state. I have visited cemeteries up north that are somewhat different from our prairie cemeteries here in the Midwest. Some of the differences can be as simple as the weather or the terrain.

The Virgin Islands are below sea level so much like the south in the USA they stack or bury above ground. The Midwest is vast and cemeteries can also be vast as to an island where the most must be made of the space you have. Sea burials or spreading of cremated remains are allowed with the correct applications and permits.

Vietnam Veterans Recognition Day

March 29 is Vietnam Veterans Recognition Day. It was on Mach 29 , 1973 that the last of the American troops were pulled out of Vietnam thus ending our involvement in the war between North and South Vietnam.

These very young men were drafted or voluntarily enlisted in the service and fought for what our country ask of them. It is fitting that they be recognized for their service.

If you know a Vietnam vet give the, a thank you that they didn’t receive when they came home.

A Quiet Hillside in Kansas

I went to Coronado’s Castle just outside Greensburg Kansas recently and this quiet beautiful cemetery was next to the castle entrance. First I should explain that the castle was built during the 1930s as part of a WPA project and Coronado had nothing to do with it other than to use his name. The cemetery is along a rolling hillside and even had a few cattle grazing at a distance.

Death in another century

We have a “cowtown” museum in the city I live. The museum has building g duplicates of the original city as it stood in the late 1890s. You can walk into each store , shop, house, or farm as it stood over 100 years ago. It’s what I would call an interactive museum. I really enjoy Cowtown and they always hold interesting historical events.

Like any museum Cowtown is a living , growing learning experience. I have been to Cowtown many, many times in my years of living in the city I was born and grew up in. I have never noticed the undertaker business until last week. Cowtown has about 50+ buildings and recreations on their grounds and I have never noticed the undertaker before. Below are some pictures I took that shows how death was treated in the years after the Civil War.

Cowtown Museum
Gill Mortuary was the first in Wichita KS
A typical coffin in Midwest 1890s
Where services were held in the mortuary
A grim reminder of high child mortality in the 1800s.
A full view of the viewing room, funeral service room, and viewing room all in one, complete with organ.

Growing Old Together

I always loved romantic comedies and still do. From time to time, I like to indulge in a sappy romcom. I really enjoy the movies where the actors talk about growing old together. Awww, what more romantic than you and the love of your life growing old together, being together until the end of time – your time that is.

Although the romcom movies make it seem so warm and fuzzy.

Wake up!

Growing old together is tough and hardly romantic. I would use other words and phrases to describe growing old together like ; comfortable, secret keeper, does chores you hate, children would freak out and stop speaking to both of you, to tired to change anything in life, communal habits, communal timing, doctors appts, helping each other remember things. This is the reality of growing old together.

I’m not trying to make it sound horrible because quite frankly everything I listed is quite nice really. I’ve been growing old together for 36 years and I’m telling you it’s not the growing old together that is the best. It’s growing into each other, and all the life in between, that is the best.

Every parents dream?

If you aren’t familiar with Elf on a Shelf you might think this picture is a little odd. The idea is that you use the elf doll and tell your children that the elf is watching good boys and girls for Santa. Now the elf moves at night to a different location to further convince your kids he is real. Sometimes this little elf will even play tricks at night while children are asleep. An example would be you find him on the kitchen table with your cereal ready, or maybe he picked out your clothes while you slept. You get the idea.

Now this sounds like great fun BUT most parents start this little game around Thanksgiving and it’s played up and until Christmas. This can be troublesome in many ways. Trying to come up with different ideas as to where to put the elf while the kids are asleep and what trick or new discovery the elf might create. That’s a lot of work! Or heaven forbid the parent is to tired to do the elf relocation one night, then you have to come up with why the elf did not move. The worst or maybe best idea is the elf is partially eaten by the dog, hence the picture.

I’m an old lady too!

Six years ago my daughter gave me a gift that transformed my life. I realize that is a bold statement but I genuinely feel that way. The gift was an iPad. Now understand that I learned windows on a desktop with lots of tears and bad words. I could email, look at the internet, and do some graphics but nothing like my iPad. It was easy to use, I never felt like the iPad would blow up if I hit the wrong key, and no tears were involved. No I understand you might think that my daughter helped me learn but no she told me I was on my own after setting up my email and cloud account and showing me where I could find apps to download. I taught myself and opened up an online store. I worked social media and with three different printers over 4 years I could master anything. I do almost EVERYTHING online. The reason I tell you this rather long winded story is this: I’m not young. I cringe when I have someone tell me that they can’t learn computer, they can’t keep up, or they don’t want to. I cringe because I am the same age as the people telling me this and all I hear is fear. I help when they ask a question in regards to “online questions” and I even go so far as to do a lot of things for them online which I don’t really mind at all. I do worry how isolated seniors will feel as technology flies at the speed of sound these days. Each year a senior doesn’t learn the more they will not understand what the generation below them is talking about, the more they won’t understand the world and how to function within it, and the more they will be afraid.

Choices in Death

I know it may seem odd since my business is cemetery decorations but I like the idea of green burial. It’s more than just the ashes to ashes, dust to dust, in a word-simple. I think it’s important to have one final decision in life and that is how your death or life will be celebrated. Now this is not a simple choice if you have a child that has proceeded you in death, a husband, a sibling, a partner. I had to make choices for my family members without knowing exactly what they wanted. I tried to make decisions that were appropriate, respectful, and loving but those were choices I made for them, and it was a long time before I forgave myself for something I had no control over. My parents, and siblings have been gone for over 25 years and the pain doesn’t flood me as it once did. The deaths just came suddenly but not surprisingly. I lost my mother, younger brother, and father all within 9 months. I had already buried my stepfather and my oldest brother, and my middle brother would follow in just a few years. I was afraid, afraid to talk to them about death even though most of them were inevitable, but it was so much simpler to just put it away in the back of my mind. What I wasn’t prepared for is I would be the only decision maker, the only one left to make those choices.

Memorial Day 2021

March, April, and May are busy months for me as are the holidays. My customers are loyal and kind. All of my family are buried in small country cemeteries or Catholic cemeteries. I realize that some of the larger corporate cemeteries have strict rules on what you can or can’t place on graves. There are cemeteries that have timelines stating when and how long grave decorations can remain on a grave. Here are some pictures of my husband’s family graves this Memorial holiday.

An annual trip and cemeteries discovered………

Every year we drive up to Minnesota to see our youngest daughter and her partner. It’s such a long drive from Kansas (12 hours) that unless we have planed ahead we simply just drive, and that’s a lot of highway.

When we do pull off the highway, and as long as it doesn’t take us too far off the path, I try to locate local cemeteries. The small city of Cameron, Missouri has a population of around 10,000. Give or take a few thousand. This small size city has the daunting task of taking care of 5 cemeteries. All five are large cemeteries and all five belong to the city of Cameron. The cemeteries are: McDaniel 600+, Packard 2000+, Graceland Memorial 1000+, Graceland 2000+, Evergreen 1500+, the numbers represent approximately how many are buried at each cemetery. Cameron had a historical board as well as a cemetery board and with that many cemeteries to maintain its easy to understand why they have the boards. I’m in awe of how such a small city manages to maintain so much cemetery acreage.

These pictures are of Graceland and Evergreen cemeteries in Cameron, Missouri. Both cemeteries are directly off of I-35 and are directly across the street from one another.

Change – it happens

I think one of the best things about being born and living your entire life in the same city is nothing really changes, not really. Yes new streets are paved and old ones torn out, buildings go up and are torn down, people move into the city and move out, but your memories in the city never change. I can drive down any street in my city and it will bring back a memory, some sad, some not. Change is hard for all of us to some degree or another. Most of us when we are young we see change but it doesn’t seem to bother us a lot. Now as we age we have a tendency to resent change. I’m sure you have heard others say, “ things were better in our time” or “things aren’t as good as they used to be” These statements are true of course, or maybe you just roll your eyes when you hear someone older than you express that sentiment. The loss of someone you love is heartbreaking and of course this brings change. Change you are never ready for , but still it comes- relentlessly. I have found this to be true , this time right now, this very moment is everyone’s moment. As long as you are alive this is your time.

A small patch and a small remembrance

I must start by telling you that I am so grateful for my following of customers. Just the thought of someone understanding what I do and why while meeting their needs is the best feeling in the world.

One of my customers wrote me a message some time ago and I have not forgotten his words since.

You might like to hear that I took the orange cross to the plot of ground that was once the house where my mother was born, in East Baltimore, 101 years ago, on her birthday this past August. It was a fine and fitting memorial to her and my aunts and grand parents, in Orioles territory. Doubtless many noticed and admired it on that green space walk way yet no one bothered it during the entire week that I was there.

I’m one of those people that notice my surroundings possibly more than others but I have always enjoyed the strange and unique world we live in.. Have you ever seen something outside and wondered why it was there? Maybe it was just one shoe in the middle of the road, or a ribbon tied around a pole, a hat in a tree, or a bunch of balloons floating by?

We may not always know the reason something is were it is but by just taking note we have become one piece of someone’s small patch in time, part of a small remembrance.

I decided to become part of his story and created this cross for him as a gift of gratitude.